


blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders

by sprookjes



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU, F/M, Pain, Psychological Trauma, a tiny bit of Fluff I think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22870810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprookjes/pseuds/sprookjes
Summary: Being asked to close your eyes and think of everything that comes to mind when you hear a certain name. Every memory, every thought. Helping to create a pattern so someone can map your memories and take them away from you. That’s what they ask you at Lacuna Inc’s mapping test room. Memory thieves. No, more like memory killers.You sit beside someone you love —or used to love— and listen to what sounds like an evil plan to make you two forget each other. Willingly. Which somehow makes everything worse and even more bizarre.
Relationships: Zoë Loockx/Senne De Smet
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders

It all began as a joke, a foolish attempt to bring Senne back to real life. Or better, to his life BZ, as Luka liked to call it. Life before Zoë.

When the boys first heard the news, they thought it would be easy to get him back in the game. For two or three weeks, they were sure it was just a matter of time. After all, old habits die hard. And if there was someone who knew how to have fun and make an impression, it was Senne.

They were almost right. As time went by, he went back to living on autopilot. Life  _BZ style._ His body there, his soul missing. They would have been pleased if it hadn’t started to interfere with their own fun.

Nowadays, Luka and Max were sick of watching Senne wallow in misery whenever he got too drunk to control his emotions. He had never acted like that before. It was kind of embarrassing and more than that, it required their full attention, which made them lose too many opportunities with the ladies. Max often had to drive him home (the both of them had been sharing an apartment for the past 5 weeks) so he would be safe. They didn’t want to spend their time—their first semester at uni!—taking care of a broken hearted friend. They missed Senne BZ, the old Senne, without the whole post-breakup drama.

❉

One January afternoon, while they were chilling at Luka’s watching a soccer game on TV, the ex Beat Boys finally felt like they had had enough. Well, at least  _Luka_ felt like he had had enough. Senne was hungover, lying on one of the couches—except he wasn’t really there. He didn’t interact, didn’t laugh at a single joke they made. They suspected he wasn’t even listening.

Luka knew exactly what would make him pay attention to them.

“You know, I never really liked her. So fucking stuck-up, always acting like we were stupid or something. Not to mention that she made Senne behave like a puppy, let’s be honest.”

Max didn’t know what to say. Luka looked at him intensely, waiting for him to follow his steps.

Max cleared his throat and adjusted himself on the couch, gaining time to think of something.

“Yeah, well... on that fake date we had, she told me she didn’t like Game of Thrones. Who doesn’t like Game of Thrones, man? I mean, who didn’t like it before season 8?”

It was all he had to offer.

Luka glanced at Senne. It had worked. Finally, he was present in the moment, paying attention to them. Except Senne wasn’t amused, let alone grateful—if that’s what Luka thought he would be. He was frowning. He didn’t need to hear anyone talking shit about her, it didn’t make him feel any better.

Not that he hadn't tried doing it himself. Sometimes he would make a mental list of every trait that annoyed him in Zoë’s personality. He did it as a way of convincing himself it wouldn’t have worked out anyway, that he would have gotten tired of her eventually. It always came to a point where no item on that list really mattered and it all ended up backfiring, making him miss every single annoying habit of hers, instead. Which left him with no choice but to go back on wishing he could turn back time just to be with her again.

“You know what? I’ve got an idea!” Luka exclaimed, picking up his phone. “How to make your friend magically forget his ex?”, “How to bring your brainwashed friend back to normal after a breakup?” he was googling those questions while repeating them out loud. “How to erase a girl from someone else's memory?” He read some answers too and most of them made him laugh heartily.

Max and Senne were just staring at him, unamused.

Until one result caught his attention. Maybe Senne would find it funny that apparently, that was a real possibility.

“Hey, man. Look at this.”

Senne was tired of that whole thing and thought for a second of throwing the phone across the living room. Luka handed the phone to him and despite his urge to smash it to the nearest wall, he picked it up and started reading. It was a blog post that discussed some kind of procedure. They listed pros and cons and were interested on their readers’ opinions about the subject. Below the text post, there was a link to a website—the clinic’s website.  _“Want to start over as if love and heartbreak never happened? We can help you heal.”_ Their page was very minimalistic, with almost no extra information available. When you clicked the word  _Lacuna_ you entered a new page within the website. In royal blue letters, their slogan made you feel both scared and drawn to it.  _"Find out how to be free of remembering.”_

_Fuck._ He didn’t want to keep looking at it. He stood up, abandoning Luka’s phone on the couch.

They had heard about it before in class, a couple of years ago—that Lacuna had been an experimental procedure in the early 00’s. At the time they had barely paid attention to that kind of subject. Senne had never had a reason to think about something like this before.

Could it... be real? He found the idea absurd at first, that this could be a thing that people did. He would never. He could never.

As the days passed, he kept catching himself thinking about it, almost as much as he kept thinking of her. Probably _because_ he thought of her so damn much.

He searched for articles about what Lacuna had done in the ‘00s. He then went back to that blog and to their page, looking through the few pieces of information it gave their visitors. He wanted to know more. Because if what they said was true, they would not only be able to fix the pain he was in but also solve the trauma that had been haunting her days and nights for the past 8 months.

In order to get more information, you had to send them an email telling your story—if you qualified to be tested for the procedure, they would contact you with more details. That night, Senne wrote them one long email, he poured his heart out on that website box for over an hour. He still thought about deleting the whole thing right before pressing send, but opted for the latter.

Three days later, he got an answer. They were invited to a mapping test. It said how much it would cost if they turned out eligible for the final procedure. A huge amount of money. That wouldn’t be a problem. Anything to give her back her peace of mind.

One small detail missing: he would have to tell her about it.

He could have been sending her flowers, but it was only a light blue envelope. She recognized his handwriting right away. It made her heart race. She opened it without knowing what to expect, but nothing could have prepared her for what was inside that envelope.

There was this printed page and a note written by him. She read that one first.

_ I thought this might be just what you need. What do you think? _

_ X, Senne _

The printed page was full of nonsense information about a test, mapping memories and... deleting them forever from your mind.

It stung.

Burned.

Zoë was so mad at him, so hurt, she couldn’t believe what she had just read. How could he think she would... was this because he was going to do it and didn’t want her to feel bad for remembering after he had decided to erase her from his life?

She began typing a message but her hands wouldn’t stop trembling. She paused for a second, took a deep breath and went for a voice message instead. Only words spoken out loud could really express how she was feeling.

“Are you being serious? What the fuck... Why the fuck did you do this? Do you think this is easy for me? Are you gonna do it and somehow need my approval, my blessing? Well, Senne. Here it is. Go ahead. If you feel this way... I can’t stop you. Just don’t ask me to be a part of it.”

He called her right away. She didn’t want to answer, but still having a thing or two to tell him, she accepted the call.

“Sorry, I think I didn’t explain it properly. I just thought you should know this is an option. And that I’d do it if it meant you’d be free.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“At first they used to do the procedure even if only one person was interested, but now they only accept the couple. Well, _ex-couple_ , I guess... From what I’ve read, it got too complicated... many people ruining things, running into the one that wanted to forget. Trying to make them remember. That’s not the point though, the point is, I’m telling you about this because it would delete every memory of yours that involves me. Thus, it would erase that night.”

Zoë felt kind of dizzy. Sick to her stomach.

This made her heart ache and break and miss him, all at the same time. She suddenly realized how much she had missed listening to his voice.

“I don’t think I can do it.”

“Ok.”

“It would... erase everything, the bad, but the good parts too.”

She ended up saying—stupidly, thinking out loud, too loud. Senne had to close his eyes because listening to that was like being punched in the guts. There were good parts too, he knew. Listening to her saying it was another thing entirely.

“Yeah.”

“I need some time to ponder.”

The relief he felt seconds ago wasn’t quite there anymore. She would think about it. Just like he did.

“Sure. Take all the time you need.”

He mumbled and absentmindedly ended the call.

The more she thought about it, the more it cut her open. Everything was unbearable now, every feeling she had been trying to repress emerging stronger than ever before.

If she didn’t have the memories, it wouldn’t hurt anymore. It would be good to feel nothing, wouldn’t it? Plus... They would both be free.

Maybe that was the best decision they could make for each other.

_ Senne? I’m in. _

She typed one morning after spending the whole night wide awake—overthinking, remembering, crying.

His heart sank when he read it. He didn’t believe she would agree after listening to her furious voice on that call, even if he was afraid of it after she said she needed time, he doubted she would decide to go through with that. Why did he doubt it? Why did he tell her about it?

The promise of forgetting pain was just so tempting it blinded you from everything that it would entail.

Senne didn’t want to forget her. The hurt? Sure. But her?

Zoë didn’t want to forget him, either.

What she did want to forget was that night and its consequences. More than she allowed herself to acknowledge.

She also wouldn’t mind forgetting how empty she felt every day when she woke up and thought of him, thought of how she won’t know of him, won’t have silly conversations with him throughout the day, how she won’t annoy him and vice versa just for the sake of bantering. How she won’t kiss him nor hold his hand, how she won’t fall asleep listening to the sound of him breathing next to her. Ever again.

❉

It was the first time they saw each other in forty-two days. Forty-two long days.

Full of fuzzy and meaningless new memories for him. 

Full of lists and goals for her. She knew that breaking up had been a rational decision and it should be the best decision for them both, but whenever she let herself feel, it felt...  _wrong_. It caused her physical pain, so she avoided going there. As days and weeks passed, she went back to her old routine, doing the things she had always enjoyed doing. She made daily lists and her main goal was to check all of its items as fast as she could. Keeping herself busy. It worked, momentarily. Except that at the end of the day, it always felt empty, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that some time soon it would start to get better. The truth is that she didn’t know how to deal and what could possibly fill the massive void she felt growing bigger and bigger inside her chest.

They met in front of the discreet small blue building, Lacuna Inc written above its sliding glass door.  They were there for the mapping test. Neither of them wanting to enter it alone.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” She gave him a small nod.

Senne examined her face while Zoë did her best to not look at him for longer than 20 seconds. “If you do it, you’re lost, Zoë.” She kept telling herself.

Nothing was particularly different about her appearance, maybe her hair had grown a bit.  It felt like going back in time. Not to when they were together but to when there was still a pillow border between them.

“We should enter, our appointment is at 10:45.” He informed, breaking the awkward silence.

“Sure.” Zoë replied, her heart in her mouth.

❉

Being asked to close your eyes and think of everything that comes to mind when you hear a certain name. Every memory, every thought. Helping to create a pattern so someone can map your memories and take them away from you. That’s what they ask you at Lacuna Inc’s mapping test room. Memory thieves. No, more like memory killers.

After that, they look at you with a satisfied expression on their faces and transfer you to another room where an amiable lady wearing a white coat (are they doctors?) awaits you. You sit beside someone you _love_ or _used to_ love, and listen to what sounds like an evil plan to make you two forget each other. Willingly. Which somehow makes everything worse and even more bizarre.

“Hello, it's so nice to meet you! I'm Kyra and today I'll be your guide through everything you still need to know about Lacuna. Now that you’ve passed the mapping test, this is the last step before you can decide whether or not you’ll want to move forward to the final procedure. Shall we begin?”

Zoë and Senne just nodded. 

“If you agree with everything, your procedures will occur simultaneously, in separated rooms. The same team of specialists—myself included—will be taking care of you both.

That’s what they called themselves. Not doctors.  _Specialists_.

She continues, “We stay in the monitoring room, there we have the cameras checking on you and your brains, very similar to what you just went through on the mapping test. The only difference being that you are going to be fully unconscious for that. That’s when we’ll fish for your memories: while you dream of them. Usually, the procedure goes very smoothly. As it is explained in the document you read earlier, Lacuna is 99,7% safe and 99,8% effective. In the morning after, someone has to come and pick you up just because you will be feeling a bit drowsy. Don’t worry about it, though; you won’t have any recollection of the first 3 hours after you wake up and with time, the next day’s memories will almost feel like a dream. You should cancel appointments for that day and relax. All our meetings will be erased as well, obviously, since it involves the relationship you two had. If you have data in the cloud and social media accounts that contain pictures, messages, videos—anything that shows you two together—it will be deleted by us with your authorization. It’s easier this way, believe me. The things you gave each other should also be brought to us, they’ll be either donated or destroyed. Whichever you prefer. You should provide us with a list of friends and relatives that you want to inform about it, all of them will receive a detailed email explaining about your decision and how they shouldn’t mention you both to one another anymore. We will also ask them to delete pictures and videos the both of you appear together on _their_ social media accounts, if this kind of content exists. You can talk to them in person too, if you want. The emails will be co-signed by you, so they should kindly agree on helping you through this process. I think that covers it, for now. Yes, I think it does. Any questions?”

She paused for a second and stared at her computer screen.

“Oh, I’ve just received your mapping test results! I mean, I know you passed, but I haven’t seen them yet. Pardon me, I’m eager to see it. I love this part.”

She said, opening the images on her computer and turning the screen their way so they could see it too.

“It’s simple, you see. It’s all there once your name is mentioned and those points light up. You two were **excellent** at it. Really impressive how the patterns of your memories match. Meaning they’re very similar. Look at it! Sometimes we have candidates that remember much more than the other, other times there is a big time gap until they’re both constantly thinking of each other but with you two... it just lit up almost equally.”

She told them, excitedly.

It terrified them to look at how much of their memories and thoughts included each other since November 2018. The map was all lit red from that period on.  They hadn’t stopped thinking of each other during this whole time.  It was almost too personal to look at. _Definitely_ too personal to let someone else look at.

After all, it was a map of not only their memories, but also their thoughts.

Almost a year and a half of their lives in form of memories would be gone from their minds.

It was like burning books. Setting fire to two libraries.

Kyra smiled the whole time it took her to reveal all those details to them. She seemed to be used to it, she seemed to find it normal. As if it made sense. “It’s simple, you see?” She had said.

Where?

How?

“So... have you come to a decision yet? Don’t forget you signed the confidentiality agreement, it means that even if you choose to not go through with the final procedure, you can’t share any information you had access to in here.”

Senne looked at Zoë. Zoë looked at her hands.

“Can’t you just... I mean, what if I had one memory I wanted to erase, just one?” She asked, looking at the specialist with hope.

Kyra’s smile disappeared for half a second.

“That’s not how it works. I thought we had been clear. If you could delete a single memory or event, you would still remember what followed, the ramifications of it. It would just be really messy and confusing. Your brain will be able to fill some gaps if you delete your whole relationship with someone, but it doesn’t work if you leave traces. And erasing only one memory would leave multiple traces, it would be of no use, dear. Listen, that’s why we are so careful. To improve the quality of our work. We want every procedure to be a complete success.”

Zoë’s face fell. Senne wanted to hold her hand and tell her it was fine. It was going to be fine.

“On my part... I’m okay with it. I’m in if you are.”

He said, trying to sound reassuring. His voice breaking in the last word, betraying him.

“Okay. Yeah. I’m in too.”

Zoë uttered after a few seconds, without raising her eyes to look at either of them.

“Well, fantastic! Let’s get everything ready, then.” Kyra said, clapping her hands.

❉

Less than a week after that first meeting, they were preparing for the ‘sleepover’ at Lacuna Inc’s.

Senne left a voice message for Max to pick him up in the morning, no extra explanation. Zoë just texted Jana to meet her at this address the next day. She didn’t feel like asking Milan, they could take the bus back to Jana’s. Maybe Yasmina would come over too. They had been doing it for weeks—trying to cheer Zoë up without letting it show they knew she was feeling down. Zoë wanted to spend that day with them whether she would be able to remember it or not. She needed her best friends, even if she wouldn't be feeling _that_ miserable anymore. How would she feel after the procedure, by the way? Better not think about it.

Senne didn’t tell Luka his plan had worked, didn’t want to give him this kind of satisfaction, but he would know soon enough. The emails informing their friends about the procedure would be sent the next day at 8 in the morning.

They didn’t tell anyone what they were going to do because they didn’t want to lose courage.

They didn’t even see each other before the procedure.

Zoë arrived first and went straight to her room. Senne thought it was for the best when someone informed him she was already there, preparing.

Right before their anesthesia kicked in, they consciously thought of each other one last time. He thought of her telling him she knew him. She thought of him hugging her and telling it was gonna be okay.

❉

Getting rid of memories from the past 3 months should feel good. They were so heavy, so unlike them... Their minds would easily let Lacuna take those away. If it wasn’t for the setting where those memories took place in their dreams, they would be feeling relieved already. It was a dark forest full of traps. It all looked incoherent like dreams usually do, except it wasn’t just because it was a dream. That didn’t feel real even when it was actually happening. A nightmare. They didn’t want to relive it. Feeling each other’s presence in total darkness, all they could hear were echoes of their own voices saying things they didn’t mean. Wanting to reach for each other’s hands and failing. They were lost. It was over fast but not fast enough.

⋮

When they opened their eyes into the next dreamed memory, there were blue skies and picnics by the river, there were good morning kisses and afternoon kisses and goodnight kisses, there was a whole lot of talking and laughter and cooking and dancing and peace. They were discovering and exploring this new reality, the new world that living together had brought to them.

Erasing summer made their minds and bodies feel uneasy, who would have wanted to leave those days behind?

The first time they saw the sea together. A rainbow. Sunrise, sunset. The sky was a million shades of gold and pink and orange and deep purple and there they were, arms wrapped around each other.

They were slowly becoming more aware of the fact that this was some kind of lucid dream.

The feelings that pulsated through their veins made it harder to accept that it would be over soon.

They tried talking to each other and failed. Like one of those dreams where you scream and no sound comes out. The space between them grew larger, they were shrinking. Two grains of sand observing the immensity of the horizon.

Their honeymoon summer was forever gone.

⋮

It was the end of June, his old place, a farewell party. They were back to the memory where Zoë gave Senne the key. They were getting used to the lucid dream by now. Learning how to navigate it little by little, Senne began searching for lucid-dreaming-Zoë, interfering in the memory as soon as he saw a light.

Open your eyes.

She was there too, and now she could speak. There was sound again.

“What is it?” She asked, looking puzzled at his serious face.

“I don’t want to forget this.”

“Why? Can’t you see? It was where everything began to go wrong. My fault.”  She said, almost bitterly, not handing him the key this time. Such a pure memory shouldn’t have turned sour for her with time. It shouldn’t—she lamented in her mind.

“What?” He asked, not understanding how she could feel that way about her own loving gesture.  “It was the first time that someone... loved me enough to do something like this for me. Okay? It didn’t go wrong because of it. Not to me.” He continued, trying to look into her eyes—eyes that were still avoiding eye contact.

She wanted to cry and yell and kick him for saying this.

“I don’t want to lose it. That feeling. I don’t want to let it go.” He added.

“You wanted this, though. It was your idea.”

“I did this for _you_.”

“You... Don’t make me feel guilty about this too... I can’t...” she pleaded, shaking her head.

“No. That’s not what I meant. Just try to help me keep this one.”

Before he could hear her reply, he found himself beside Luka while she was still back there in the second floor, only now she was surrounded by her friends. He saw she was looking for him. The clouds above her head completing the frame. 

She found him.

“I guess it’s too late now, I’m sorry. I really am.”  She shouted from where she stood.

The sun started to shine too brightly, he couldn't see her anymore. They were engulfed by light along with that memory.

⋮

So many memories being captured and killed, including their hug in front of that police station, including Zoë asking Senne to move in with her as if she was proposing. Including the day they had spent together in bed, all of it ceasing to exist so quickly. So helplessly.

⋮

It was the memory of their first time and Zoë didn’t want to let it go, either.  “Please stay with me stay with me stay with me.” She kept repeating in her mind while looking deep into his eyes and reliving every second of every moment. She didn’t know if he was there too or just the memory of him. She didn’t dare asking. He was. Wishing the same as she.

Moments like those were escaping through their fingers like water. They were dissolving and nothing could be done about it.  Whenever they got too involved with a memory, they couldn’t even try to detain or change the next one. They went by faster.

So, she wasn’t saying I love you. 

So, he wasn’t saying I love you. 

The words were fading and there was no noise coming out of their mouths.

There was no car coming back.

No parking lot.

No Zoë chasing Senne to convince him to stay.

It was a story being deleted letter by letter, word by word, paragraph by paragraph.

Their hands weren’t touching in that hallway.

They weren’t crying, he wasn’t leaving her, he hadn’t heard Viktor’s lies. He hadn’t asked her if they were true.

Senne wasn’t sleeping in her bed, they weren’t spooning anymore. She wasn’t kissing him, taking him home with her. Zoë wasn’t afraid to lose him before she could explain herself.

There was no Milan giving them ideas about massages and no Senne talking about them meeting up with his brother.

Every single one of their I love yous were lost forever.

They didn’t spend hours studying together. He had never come back to bed to wake her up, never made her breakfast.

He hadn’t written that stupid ethics essay for her.

He hadn’t held her until she fell asleep after that panic attack.

It was devastating for Zoë, to see this one go. That memory was so full of pain but also love. Losing the love she had felt in that moment—towards him and coming from him—was worse than the pain she was feeling on that Sunday. And for the record, she was in a lot of pain that day.

The air she couldn’t breathe, the heart that wouldn’t stop pounding, the way she held onto him so tightly, she did it all over again with even more despair. Senne thought that it would break him now that he knew the real reason behind the state she was in. He hugged her back just as tightly, trying to make up for things he couldn’t change.

Still, it made no difference.

A point lit red on a map, a blue light flashes from a laser device and catches it. Where there once was, there is no more.

⋮

Those terrible weeks, the ones Zoë felt like she was drowning, as if someone had been keeping her head underwater and she couldn’t do anything to defend and protect herself, couldn’t scream, couldn’t fight it.  These feelings were materialized in this dream, it felt like falling forever into a bottomless ocean, she just wished she could breathe again, wished she could swim, wished she could find her way back to the surface.

⋮

While struggling through memories of days he didn’t know of her, that she wouldn’t reply to his texts, Senne started thinking of a way to put the next memory of theirs somewhere else in his mind, somewhere the specialists wouldn’t be able to localize to take it away.

⋮

Senne and Zoë had just decided to post the pics they were taking. They were going to become official on Instagram, of all places—so everyone would know at once. They were _ this_ happy. So happy they wanted to share something so personal, something that meant so much to them.

It was only months later that they put the pieces together and realized that _that_ was the reason why Viktor changed his mind and decided to torture and threaten Zoë using the disgusting pictures he took of her.

It was because he saw _their_ pictures. He saw that they were together again. That his lies hadn’t been enough to keep them apart. That Zoë was really important to Senne.

Senne waited for the moment where she told him she had posted their picture and savored the memory of his own reaction to her caption.

_ My happy place. _

He had never been that to anyone, let alone to the person that mattered the most to him.

He was tickling her and she was giggling.

He held her closer and spoke softly—his mouth so near hers—hoping lucid-dreaming-Zoë would listen. “Run away with me.”

She looked at him, thinking about his idea.

“We’ll go somewhere else, and I’ll say I think I might be like my brother and you will say I’m not. Because you know me. And I’ll remember that.”  He continued, excitement lightening up his whole face.

“But... if I remember your brother, won’t I remember everything else? Then all of this will have been in vain.”

She searched for a solution to that in his eyes, but all she saw was the spark of hope he had there die.

“I didn’t think of that.” He said, sadly, realizing there was no way for him to keep the memory of one of the best things she had ever said about him.

“I just don’t want to go on forgetting everything.”

She sat down, hugging her knees. “Neither do I.”

“You don’t?”

She shook her head, couldn’t really look at him.  “We should just try to wake up”—she offered.

“You know it’s impossible. You read that contract.”

“Where could we go?”

“Anywhere. We are dreaming. Anything is possible, right?”

“We’re dreaming _memories_... so we should be able to...”

“Take the other somewhere we’ve been before we met.” He said, finishing her sentence.

Zoë nodded.

“Okay. Let’s try it.”

That’s when the river began to turn into thousands of giant blobs of water. They were floating towards them and a second later, that water began falling, like rain, right above their heads. They knew that memory was deteriorating, they didn’t have time to do anything anymore in this one, except for getting soaked. 

⋮

The hallway, Zoë searching for Senne. 

While she speeded towards him, she thought this was a great opportunity to put their plan into action.

“Now! We need to run now. Pretend you never went to class, we just fucking skipped them all.” She whispered urgently in his ear. A smile playing on her lips. He couldn’t help but smile too.

They did run, before the memory could end. They ran through those KAB hallways, down those stairs, hand in hand.

“Where will we go?”

“I don’t know, we need to think of a memory. Fast.” He said.

“We can talk about things we don’t want to forget once we’re there, if you want. Actually, how can we still remember everything if the memories are already gone?”

“I guess it’s probably our subconscious not knowing they aren’t there anymore. I don't know... but I'm glad we still remember.”

"Me too."

He thought that driving was the only way to get somewhere else. The streets didn’t seem very familiar, which was strange, and GPS doesn’t work in dreams. It seemed like they were building the world around them as they went. Think of a place, Senne. Think. He kept mumbling to himself.

A moment later, they noticed a suspicious car right behind theirs was getting closer and closer. That was it, they were being chased already. Quickly, Zoë told him to turn left so they could abandon the car, steal bikes to misguide their chasers and keep going. So they did it.

The bikes were going so fast that their tires weren’t touching the ground anymore. After a while they abandoned those too, and kept going, they hid in narrow streets and went further on what looked more like a labyrinth than a way out. They ran until their chasers were nowhere to be found.

Now both of them were gasping for air, their hearts beating incredibly fast. They began laughing, it was such a great feeling. To escape, to leave those thieves behind. It took them a minute to remember how crucial that moment actually was.

“So, does this count as the same memory even if we ended up on a different place or...?” Senne asked. 

She shrugged. “No idea. But I... I’m afraid it does. Because this is still a memory we share, it’s not a memory from before we met. And I think we just invented this place.” 

“You’re probably right. Let’s wait here for a while. Until they give up searching for us... Then we can get my car and go to a place where one of us have memories from before we met.”

Zoë went quiet but her dreaming mind didn’t. She felt like saying what she was thinking about.

“I practically ran to find you that day, just like we did now. As soon as I received his text saying nothing had happened... All I could think was that I could have you back. That I hadn’t done anything wrong, anything I should feel ashamed or guilty of. That we could be together again.”  She paused. They were leaning against a pink wall. The one in front of them had big black dots painted all over it. If you looked closely, it seemed like the dots were swirling. 

He was once again looking at her while she looked somewhere else, this time she was looking up, as if searching for a way out of there through the clouds.

“Remember you said you couldn’t be without me?”, she asked unexpectedly, her lips quivering, her voice about to break. “I wanted to say it back, you know. I did, Senne. Because I couldn’t be without you, either.”

“Zoë...” 

“But you had just told me he was a psychopath, that you’d _kill_ him if he ever came between us... All my fears came back even stronger after that, I was so scared.”

“Of me?”

He asked in a soft tone, fearing her answer.

“Of what could happen because of _me_.”

She couldn’t hold back her tears.

He sighed, wishing he could fix it. Then he realized that was exactly what he was trying to do, and how he was failing miserably at it.

“We should just let them find us, I don’t want you to remember these things. You shouldn’t have gone through all that.”

“No, but I hate to think of a world where we were never together. Where all of that—the good parts—where they didn’t happen. Or so it will seem to us.” She says, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hands.

“I hate it too.”

“Then why did you come up with this idea?”  She asks, irritated.

“In my defense, it wasn’t really my idea.”

“No? What do you mean? Whose idea was it?”

Silence.

“Senne, who thought of it first?”

Senne couldn’t face her while he confessed.

“Luka.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Since when do you get advice from Luka?”

“I wasn’t thinking straight, ok? I wanted to get rid of the fucking pain I was in and I wanted _you_ to get rid of everything that hurt. Every bad thing I brought to your life.” He snapped, feeling helpless.

She sighed, shaking her head.

“Okay, listen. You can’t think like this. It wasn’t your fault.” She tells him in a calmer tone.

“Except it was.” he says, a bitter laugh escaping from his throat.

“We’re not very lucky. Haven’t you noticed it? The universe has a way to fuck things up for us. You just have to believe me when I tell you that _it wasn’t your fault_.”

“Then why did you stop loving me?” Senne blurted out before thinking. He couldn’t quite understand the look of shock that appeared on her face.

“I think the ground is going to swallow us.” Zoë tells him.

The dots painted in the wall had moved to where they stood. It felt like stepping into quicksand.

“It’s them.”

“It’s hopeless.”

“I’ll keep trying, but only after the memories of you meeting him are erased.” He assured her.

“So will I. Promise.” She said, holding onto his arm until they were devoured by the dots.

⋮

That first week after the worst day of her life, so full of agony and... Senne. Senne leaving the café so she could stay, Senne thinking she still needed space, Senne outside her apartment, Senne calling her, Senne in her mind, all day, all the time. The pain of believing she had betrayed him with his own brother. The horror of imagining she had slept with someone she didn’t care about, feeling deceived and taken advantage of. The memory of drinking when she always thought alcohol was something she would never succumb to. She hated not being in control, not being herself. 

⋮

She was leaving, feeling groggy, sick, disgusted. 

The elevator. Zoë was in the elevator. She knew what memory came next.  Finally, the memories of her fatal visit to Senne’s place would be deleted. 

Never been there searching for him.

And suddenly, she became conscious of the fact that even though she wouldn’t remember anything anymore, that piece of shit still would. And it would be like he took it all away from her.  The ugliness he brought with him but also the beauty of everything she felt at that time—her story with Senne, their profound connection, their bond, their love. She realized that because of Viktor, once again, she was losing _everything_. Including the only person she had ever loved this hard.

“Can you come with me? I can’t do this alone, not again...”

She summoned him, eyes closed, before the elevator door opened. When it did, he was there, waiting for her.

Somehow, Zoë had brought Senne with her to those memories. He couldn’t interfere, couldn’t change anything, only watch.

Then, Senne saw when she woke up hungover in his bed, so confused and frightened and lost.

He was there at the party and he wanted to take care of her; to make it stop, to take that nasty hand off of her thigh, to warn Gill that Zoë wasn’t used to drinking, she shouldn’t be drinking! And please take care of her, take care of her, don’t let him hurt her... take her away from here!!!

Senne wanted to hug Zoë and all she wanted to do was disappear as fast as she could. She was crumbling and folding into herself as if she was made of origami paper. How unfair it was to not remember more, not even now, not even in her subconscious.

“I’m so sorry.”  She murmured when Viktor began to talk about "Senne’s” past, that was actually his _own_. 

And he wanted to kill Viktor when his brother said Senne had threatened to throw their sister out of a window because maybe, just maybe, that accident hadn’t been an accident at all.

Senne was there when Viktor received a text from someone and pretended it was from him.

He was there and saw the elevator closing behind Zoë and Zoë staying and he just wanted to smash 5 hundred bottles over his brother’s head.

She was on that elevator once again and she wished she had never ringed that doorbell.

He had been wanting to hug her since they arrived in those memories but she was the one to finally do it. “Thank you for being there with me.” She told him, tightening her grip around him.

It was one of those hugs of hers that you felt like she was about to break your bones.  He loved those, how much he had missed _them_. 

“You don’t have to thank me for anything.” He said, feeling the warmth of her embrace.

“You’re gonna forget the things he did, too. You’re gonna go back to being on good terms with him, did you think of that?” She asks, her face buried in his neck. 

“Course I did, and I won’t. I wrote an email to myself and saved it on my drafts. I explained to  _future me _ that he may not remember well why but he should stay away from that fucking asshole, and if he ever thought I was exaggerating, he should ask my friends because they wouldn’t let me get near him ever again. I wrote a lot of stuff that I know will make _future me_ believe _present me_ , okay?Don’t worry. I would never take that risk.” He told her, running his fingers through her hair, kissing the top of her head, calming her until that memory fell apart.

⋮

Her talks about Senne with Amber, Milan, Yasmina.

His note along with the phone he gave her.

Their fight and space.

Jana’s advice.

The sound of the real bottle breaking over that guy’s head.

Luka’s birthday party.

Both of them sharing their secret through glances.

Extinguished.

⋮

The first time she invited him to visit her home, her room. He felt welcome into her life, not a toy at all.  It was the day he found out she had kept Blanket. The day he told her he was the one. As if she didn’t know that...

They were hiding under Blanket, maybe that way the specialists wouldn’t be able to see this red dot on their maps. They knew it wouldn’t work, but knowing it wouldn’t stop them from imagining what if.

“I want to stay here, live in this memory.”  She whispered.

“You know we can’t.”

A tear escaped through the corner of her left eye. He dried it with his thumb, caressing her cheek.

“Where, then? Where can we hide?”

“We can take Blanket with us and build a fort somewhere.” He joked, trying to make her smile. Mission accomplished, even if it was a sad little smile. 

“Ok, I thought of a place.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh.”

They were both very fond of this memory and didn’t want to waste it running away. They would just spend it reliving it and looking at each other. Saying goodbye without words. To that day, to everything that was said and done.

⋮

It was as if the specialists knew they had a plan and were doing anything they could to ruin it. Their next memories escaped them way too quickly.

⋮

Zoë didn’t have her lipstick smudged by his kisses in the boy’s bathroom.

They weren’t making out in his car. Amber hadn’t seen them. Except she did and she would be the only one to remember it.

He had never told her it was impossible for someone not to love her.

They weren’t making peace in that maths’ classroom.

Promises and lies, hopes and dreams, tenderness and desire and every conflicting emotion that they felt that day, all of it turning to dust or even less than that.

Where do disintegrated memories go?

She wasn’t wondering what was it about Gill that made her so close to him, she wasn’t spending sleepless nights thinking she had been right about him all along.

When she left his house that Saturday morning, she was sure he was incorrigible, the classic asshole type, not really interested in her but on the chase. Just like she had always feared.

She wasn’t meeting Viktor. In this one she could intervene so she went back to Senne’s bedroom and so did Senne. Viktor would be gone from Zoë’s mind, forever now.

They hadn’t talked about marriage and chastity belts. She didn’t wake up there.

⋮

They couldn’t bear to see the beginning of that night erased—not yet—so after the dawn disappeared, they felt like it was the perfect timing for running away again. 

“Okay, where to?”

“Not gonna tell you.”

“Come on, how can I drive us there if you don’t tell me where we’re going?”

“Ugh, fine. Have you ever been to Oslo?”

He shook his head no.

“Then I’ll take you there.”  She said, pulling him by the hand. 

He didn’t understand what was her plan. 

It was simpler than what he had tried before, you could just picture a past memory in a place you were fond of or knew well and there you went, you didn’t need cars nor airplanes for that. Once they turned a corner—as if she were Dorothy clicking her heels—they appeared in Oslo.

Sitting on a bench in Ekeberg. That was the memory.

“It worked! See? I knew it would work!” She grinned, pleased with herself. “ I don’t know why I like it here so much, it was the first place I thought of, the one place I really wanted to show you. I used to come here on weekends with my parents or with this lady they left me with whenever they had work. I would sit on this bench for _hours_ , just admiring the city view, doodling, reading, wondering. I think that what they liked about this place was that it made me stay quiet. Really. It’s so calming. I did this for years so I could bring you here and it can be a memory from 2010 to 2013... or even from 2009, I think. So maybe this is a 6 year old me memory.”

“It does look very pretty. And calming. I should take you somewhere too, just to be safe.”

“Yeah, this way we’ll have one more chance to remember.”

“Do you think you’ll remember me here, even if you were six?”

“I want to believe I will.”

⋮

Senne took her to a memory he seldom dared to revisit.

He was 11 at the time this memory took place. Now, at 19, he looked mesmerized at the little girl lying comfortably in that bed. In that lilac bedroom.

She looked a lot like him; same eyelashes and beautiful light brown hair, same cute cheeks and honest smile. She saw him as if he was still 11.

It was the last memory he had of him alone with Amelie.

Zoë didn’t fit in that setting but she was more than grateful to be there, to witness that moment, to simply watch them read a book. 

Amelie’s favorite. 

lt was part of a trilogy about a girl called May Bird. May Bird went to the land of the dead—the Ever After—with her cat and both of them made a lot of friends but also caused a lot of trouble as they went. Amelie was _obsessed_ with that story; she would start rereading it as soon as she had just finished it. Their parents didn’t approve, she didn’t understand why—it even had a happy ending! Why couldn’t she love it?

It came to a point where their parents started hiding the books. They made a deal with Amelie: that each time she had read 4 new books, she could read May Bird again. But Senne knew where they hid them and always found a way to bring one of them back to Amelie whenever she really missed reading them. They never caught him picking them up, they never caught him putting them back where they hid it.

Amelie often asked him to help her doing the voices. Senne was the voice of Somber Kitty (May Bird’s cat) and all other creatures they met along the way. Amelie was always May Bird. They managed to keep it as quiet as possible and always had a backup book—just in case their parents came to ask and they had to pretend to be reading something else

Zoë curled up in this beanbag near the bed. Once Amelie had fallen asleep, Senne finally dared to look in her direction. His face displaying so many conflicting emotions at once, it was hard to look. She didn’t want to cry, it didn’t seem fair to him. Zoë reached for his hand and held it for a long while. They just stayed there, quietly, watching Amelie sleep.

She didn’t know what to say until she felt that they would be taken away from there soon. Then she whispered, “ _Remember me_ ”.

They didn’t know if the specialists had found them or their time was simply up in that past memory.

They were brought back to their kisses and their very first kiss, which they tried to savor as if the world was ending—because in a way, it was.

They didn’t know if it had worked. If they had stayed in each other’s past memories, they held each other while the memory of their lips first touching vanished and took with it the North Pole thing and arguments about climate and fireworks.

Their memories were collapsing.

There wasn’t a week after the sleepover because there was no sleepover, no flirting, no urge to stay and sleep in his bed, no alcohol free drinks bought specially for her. No Blanket. No 30 minutes meeting. No texting each other while looking at each other.

It was practically over now.

⋮

She spotted him and all those Christmas lights, her heart already aching.

“I refuse to forget Darwin.” She said. 

“Was it a good line?”

“Was it _just_ a line?”

“No.” He didn’t want to ruin it, wanted to explain what he meant.

“It was.” She answered, sincerely.

“ _It wasn’t just a—“_

“I know. It was the _perfect_ line.”

“I thought so, you smiled at me.”

“That was because I couldn’t do what I really wanted.”

He shook his head and she knew he meant “What?” before he could even say it.

“This.”

Zoë kissed him right there in that dreamed memory that was about to not exist anymore in any form, she kept kissing him in front of everyone, without caring about anything else. She just wanted to fill this moment with her truest feelings, with all her love. He couldn’t even understand what was happening before it all faded away.

⋮

She had never seen him apologize to Amber and in the hallway he didn’t tell her his brain was filled with her. How ironic was the fact that he thought at that time it was already filled with her...  And now, with that memory gone, it only meant his brain was almost empty of her. 

She hadn’t called him back because he didn’t bump into her and her papers never fell.

“Fuck, you’re sexy” and Casanova were gone, too.

There was only one memory left to him.

The day she fell over his life like a meteor.

The day she told him the truth using words as darts aimed straight to his heart.

He hadn’t been the same ever since.

He wouldn’t be the same ever again. Maybe he would be without her and any trace of her in his mind, but all that they lived had changed him forever. He had changed something in her too. He knew that.

“I don’t wanna say those things.”

“I don’t mind. I don’t regret it, if it hadn’t happened, _we_ wouldn’t have happened.”

“Well, what good did that do to us? Look at what we did!”

“We are stupid.”

“You’re stupider, it was your freaking idea... listening to _Luka_.”

“I know.”

She sighed and took a step to the right to be exactly in front of him.

“Oh, you’re such a cool guy.”

He smirked.

Her smile was failing her. 

“Quit walking around like a fucking living cliché.”

“There’s more.”

“Not this time.”

There was a pause. He sighed, he had to say it one last time.

“I love you, Zoë.”

“I love you too.”

“You did, once...”

“Huh? I do, now. Present tense.”

“What do you mean? After everything that happened...”

She narrowed her eyes, trying to understand what was he talking about.

“You... you dumped me, remember? You broke my heart when you made me realize you didn’t love me anymore. I don’t blame you. I just... Did you forget it already? Is it taking your memories away for real now, even before we wake up?”

“Hm, no? That time when you were leaving and told me you didn’t love me, it was a lie, right? I... I didn’t even lie, I just... had to let you go, free you of my prison... let you be happy without me. Didn’t you feel relieved? I did. That didn’t mean I had stopped loving you, quite the contrary, actually. After all we’ve been through to not forget each other you still thought...? You’re _such_ an idiot, Senne De Smet.”

He scoffed, bitterly.  “Be happy without you?”

She shrugged.  “I thought I was doing the right thing.

“ _You’re_ such an idiot, Zoë Loockx.”

“In the end, we both did the same thing. Wanting to free each other from pain.”

“By causing each other even more pain. Such a great plan.”

“I love you anyway. Despite all this.”

It meant everything to him—listening to her saying those words again. He was used to rereading their text messages and more often than not he would stop and stare at their I love yous that had been typed and kept there. Intact, as if that was some kind of time capsule. They were concrete proof that he hadn’t imagined all of it. That once upon a time she  did love him too. He had lost hope that this would happen again. Being wrong had never felt this good.

“I love you too. Don’t you ever forget. Even if you do, don’t.” 

“Forget what?” She said, smiling jokingly. Her eyes full of tears.

“That I love you.”

“I won’t. This is where it ends for you, right? I still have memories to go... To erase you completely, for it to be like I’ve never heard of you. Maybe you’ll remember you saw me once by Jana’s door the day you stopped by to pick Amber up.”

“I can’t believe I don’t remember that.”

“Well, I can. You self-absorbed fuckboy.”  She smirked, getting closer to him.

“Maybe we will find each other in those memories from our past, or we will remember the places even if we don’t remember each other. Then we’ll always search for each other where we were really happy together.”

“Where we were really happy together.”

He cupped her face with both his hands and she did the same. Their foreheads were touching. They kissed. One last kiss.

“Take care.” He told her.

“You too. Don’t get yourself in too much trouble, ok?”

“I’ll try.”

“Goodbye, Seppe.”

“Goodbye, Zoë.”

⋮

She felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

Forgetting—it happened like waves washing him away until the very first time she had seen that face and heard that name.

There was nothing left.

❉

SATURDAY 

11:03AM

February 15th, 2020

Zoë had organized a basket with all the food she wanted to bring to her picnic. Her favorite fruits and snacks. She would celebrate with her friends later but first, she wanted to enjoy her day by the river, by herself. Lately that place had been pulling her like a magnetic field.

Just like Steenplein was doing that morning. 

Zoë was just passing but that place made her wonder. Made her feel nostalgic, somehow. The Ferris Wheel is not always there, it changes places from time to time.

Like she used to, thanks to her parents. Always moving. She’s thankful she stayed this time. She doesn’t remember what exactly weighed on her final decision to stay in Antwerp—her friends are reason enough, she reckons... Even though in this moment she feels like there was something more. Something that made her stand up for herself for the first time and not let her parents do what they pleased with her life.  Maybe it was because this is where she truly belongs, she concluded. 

The wind is messing up her hair and she finds it funny instead of annoying. She’s laughing by herself. 

He was checking his phone while walking and once he looked up, there she was, right in front of him. A vision. Her platinum hair, that bright red lipstick. He knew her, right? If not, he would very much like to.

“Admiring the view?”

He asks, because he doesn’t know what else to say. He’s never approached anyone like this—it was a Saturday _morning_ , they were practically _in the middle of the street_!

Zoë is in such a good mood that she doesn’t think of him as a stupid guy trying to hit on her. She feels self conscious instead, and weirdly enough, attracted to him. His eyes. There’s something familiar in them.

“Was I looking ridiculous?”

“No, like a tourist maybe. Are you?”

“Ridiculous? Yeah.” They were both smiling. “No, I live here.” She said, answering his real question.

“Okay. So you like the view.”

“This isn’t a pick-up line, right?” 

“No, just asking a question.”

He wouldn’t have lied but he felt like she wouldn’t be a fan of this kind of behavior.

“Yeah, I very much enjoy the view, even though the Ferris Wheel isn’t here right now—which makes me feel like there’s something missing.  Because _I_ miss it, you know?”

“Oh yeah. That’s why I asked if you were a tourist. I thought you might be looking for it. If you miss it... Maybe I could drive you there later? I’ve got nothing to do today. It would be a pleasure. I’m actually on my way to pick up my car at the repair shop and then...”

“I can’t.” 

He felt like an idiot. _Too fast, Senne. Too awkward. Very unlike you._

“Yeah. Sorry. I’m going. I shouldn’t... it’s just... you’re gonna think it’s another pick-up line, but... don’t we know each other from somewhere?” 

She took a long look at him and the way he looked back sent chills down her spine.

“I shouldn’t either, that will sound like such a cliché, but... I kinda believe you? Because you do remind me of someone... I don’t know who, though. And I  can’t _not exactly because I don’t want_ _to_ but because I have already made plans. Today’s my birthday.”

“Lucky day. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks. I gotta be going, I decided to make this picnic by myself and I don’t want to arrive late. It would suck to let myself waiting, on this day of all days!"

She was trying to be funny and felt silly instead. This never happened. She never acted flirty. Let alone with guys she just met. She couldn’t recognize herself. 

She was so distracted by his presence that her basket almost fell from her bike. He caught the basket in the last second and held it while she steadied the bike. That’s when part of Blanket showed up from inside her backpack.

Zoë didn’t give Blanket away to Lacuna Inc, she could never part from it.

“It’s funny... I used to have a blanket identical to this one, I just can’t find it these days.”

“Really? I don’t know how I got it, I think my roommates' previous roommate left it when she moved out and I inherited it or something. I can’t really remember.”

“Well, take care of it.  _My __roommate_ and friend must have lost mine, if I think about it... Max is always losing stuff. Anyway... Happy birthday... what’s your name again?”

“I never told you my name.”

He thought that was his cue to let her go. Still, he couldn’t move, he didn’t want to let her go.

“It’s Zoë. Zoë Loockx. Nice to meet you...”

“Senne. Senne de Smet.” 

They shook hands and felt a charge of electricity, touching for the first time in this new life was as intense as it had been in the past.

They were walking in opposite directions when she felt an urge to call him back. She hadn’t had a real crush in ages. This was _so_ not her, but today she couldn't help it. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes making a face—she couldn’t believe what she was about to do—and called his name.

“Hey, Senne?”

He looked back, surprised. It was this strong feeling of déjà-vu invading his brain. As if he had heard her saying his name many times before. She felt the exact same thing. That name was so familiar to her ears and tongue and heart.

“Do you really have nowhere to go now? I mean, besides picking up your car."

"Nowhere at all."

"It's just that... I made plenty of food for just one person... it could easily be a picnic for two.”

“Really?”

“Well, yeah, if you feel like it. I’m completely against letting food go to waste. Plus you kinda helped saving it just now.”

“I did, didn't I?”

“It’s all vegan, though.”

“I’m not opposed to veganism.” He shrugged, half smiling.

She bit her lower lip, trying to repress a laugh and failing. “By the way, this isn’t a date.” She told him, but of course it was.

“Okay.”

♡

They had dreamed of each other in those memories they altered but it was more like a feeling than an image.

This was like finding a piece from a puzzle, the puzzle being themselves.

They didn’t remember this secret life that still exists in everyone’s memories but theirs.

They would rebuild their story.

In spring, she would accept his invite to go to the Ferris Wheel with him and they would kiss again for the first time.

And it would be almost like a repetition of that _first_ first kiss because their bodies knew how it had been once.

What they could never forget.

What they could never erase from their brains was what they felt beyond reason.

**Author's Note:**

> • lacuna, n.:  
> 1 : a blank space or a missing part, gap  
> •I wrote this fic in a week and then spent more than a month rewriting and editing it, I can’t even use time as an excuse, so yeah, this is the best I could do.
> 
> • Watch the movie if you haven’t! It’s really good. I changed/added many things about “the procedure”, I had never written a story using ~magical realism~ before, sorry if those parts suck. Moments like those exist in the movie and I just wanted to convey the dream vibe with them. 
> 
> • The bench they were sitting in Oslo is Noorhelm’s bench, obviously.
> 
> • The May Bird trilogy is a real trilogy written by one of my favorite YA authors: Jodi Lynn Anderson.
> 
> • Thanks to @TayaTinkerbell on twitter for helping me check if the Ferris Wheel was at their first kiss’ location atm. (I was going to call it ~poetic license~ if it wasn’t there. But then, when I was sure it wasn’t, I rewrote the scene and ended up liking this version where Zoë still felt attracted to that place even without the Ferris Wheel.)
> 
> • Thanks to Di for making me think about Senne telling Luka he met someone and what would be Luka’s reaction finding out *who* that someone is, lmao.
> 
> • Thanks to Muskan that had to ~listen~ to me whining about /THE FIC/ for weeks. I thought I would never get to the last Russian doll, but it’s here, my friend!!!
> 
> • If you read it pleaseee let me know what you think of it. :} X


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